Information for Separating Families

Children usually love both parents even when parents no longer love each other. Children need continuing contact with both parents in order to develop healthily and happily. They need to feel you both love them. They need reassurance that they are not to blame for you breaking up. Children get hurt and confused if either parent puts blame on the other. It is particularly helpful to your children if you ..

• try to be flexible. Consider the children's feelings and wishes and also the practical convenience to the other parent.

• do your best to carry out the agreed arrangements; and if for any reason you cannot, let the other parent know as soon as possible.

• try to talk directly with the other parent. If children have to relay messages for you they can be blamed or feel responsible for any misunderstanding that occurs.

• try to respect the privacy of the other parent and do not question your children about your ex partner's life or relationships. It will embarrass the children and give them a conflict of loyalties.

• try not to speak ill of the other parent or their family or new partner.

• help your children to feel that loving you both is normal and that loving the other parent does not mean being disloyal to you.